Tips for Writing Memoir

My Students’ Five Favorite Tips for Writing Memoir

These ideas go beyond the basics (like using vivid language and being honest) to help you improve your memory and your writing.

1) The more you write, the more you write.

This truism is particularly apt for memoir because the more you develop your ideas, the more you can remember. If you push yourself to include more precise details, play with pov, develop characterization, etc. you’ll give yourself more opportunities to inhabit a memory and may recall more than you thought you could.

2) Shift your point of view to look at memories from new angles.

Try writing about a memory from the perspective of the past you—the one who was living it—and then write about the same memory a second time from the perspective of the present you—the one looking back. Concentrating on your perspective will make you aware of how changing emotional, temporal, and intellectual distances affect your story. Shifting pov can also help you capture new details and think differently about an event. Note: If you find this exercise tricky, try using present tense when writing from the perspective of your past self and third-person when writing from the perspective of your present self.

3) Old photos aren’t the only way to stimulate your memory.

Try seeking out sensory-rich locations from your past—or ones similar to the originals—such as a library, a hospital, a school bus, the backstage of a theater, or a gym. Evoke sense memories by cooking a dish your grandmother made, buying the perfume your best friend wore, finding childhood toys for sale online, or visiting a garden with the vegetables your father grew.

4) Return to your past via pop culture.

The internet lets you access the pop culture of the past. Searching by a given year for popular songs, fashion trends, prime time TV schedules, cult movies, best-selling books, alt-periodicals, commercials, newspaper headlines, college fads, vintage toys, forgotten world events, and more. The info, photos, recordings, and videos can open up your memory and help you situate your story in what was going at the time.

5) Make a plan for finishing

At our last class session, my students write an action plan for finishing the draft of their memoir so they can maintain the energy and progress they’ve made. They consider issues like when and where they’ll write, how they’ll get support and feedback, where writing their memoir fits in with other priorities, and how much emotional and intellectual effort they’ll need. If you consider the obstacles and assets beforehand, you’ll be in a better position to get your draft done.

Tried and True Tips for First Drafts

• When drafting on any topic, whether one you’ve assigned yourself or one you’ve taken from a writing prompt, look for what sparks and inspires you. You don’t have to cover everything. If a topic or prompt takes you in a different direction than you expected, that’s fine. your only goal is to start walking through the rooms of your memory.

• You can write the way you talk. Don’t worry about grammar or fancy words or even spelling. Your voice will establish itself over time.

• Try to get as much down as you can. If you get stuck, look at the topic or prompt again and start over in a new direction.

• Don’t revise or edit while you draft. Just keep going.

• Your draft doesn’t need to be shaped or complete—it might start as a bulleted list or as a series of fragments. You can figure out structure and connections later.

• Try to be honest—don’t try to make yourself look good or make events more exciting. If you aren’t sure what happened, say so, and write what you think happened. List all your doubts as well as what you know is true. If you’re worried about what you are revealing as you write, remember you’re never required to show anyone what you’re writing.

• MOST IMPORTANT: Don’t doubt yourself as you write: Don’t worry that what you’re writing is boring or not worth writing or poorly written—if you want to write it, it’s worth writing. You can revise as much as you want later.

Tips for Sparking Your Memory

When you are struggling to develop a particular memory, these steps can help you access what’s stored somewhere in your brain.

• Look through photos and watch videos, especially ones you haven’t looked at in years.

• Talk to family members or friends or anyone involved. Ask open-ended questions and don’t argue about who’s right if your details differ.

• Go through yearbooks or other keepsakes. Touch and smell any objects you can.

• Look online for newspapers or magazines published at the time (it can be useful just to look at what people were wearing!). See what curent events and pop culture artifacts you’ve forgotten.

• Look online for lists of popular songs of the time and then listen to them.

• Read through letters, diaries, or journals—ones you wrote or any you have access to.

• Go to the location where the memory took place, even if it’s changed—if you can’t actually go there, look for photos of it, or go to a similar place that might look, smell, or sound the same.

• Look through recipes or cookbooks used at that time—you can even google for images of old menus from a favorite chain restaurant. Make some of those recipes if you can.

• Look up what was on TV at that time (google “United States network television schedule” and the year you’re looking for). Watch an episode of a favorite show that you’d forgotten about.

• Look up what the popular movies were for that time and watch one. Remember when and where you saw it the first time. Who were you with? What snacks did you eat? Why did you choose to see it?

• Go to onthisday.com or thepeoplehistory.com and put in a date you’re interested in. DId any of these events affect you?

Finding Your Memoir Topic: Option A

Some writers work well from the outside in: they like to decide on a general topic before they start writing. Try these questions to help you find your subject.

1. Some memoirs focus on a certain age. Childhood is popular, but you can write about any stretch of years you want, such as adolescence, the year you turned 30, middle age, retirement, etc. List any age ranges you’d like to write about.

2. Some memoirs focus on a significant period in the writer’s life. You could write about your time in the Navy, the three months you lived in Costa Rica, when you worked as a clown, your treatment for cancer, the first year of your marriage, etc. List any significant periods in your life you’d like to write about.

3. Some memoirs focus on the writer’s relationship with a specific person, such as their mother, a student they taught, their best friend, their business partner, etc. List any relationships you’d like to write about.

4. Some memoirs focus on a specific topic and build their story around it. These topics could be anything from addiction, food, and music to education, prejudice, or animals. List any topics you’d like to base your memoir around.

5. Look over your list and select the topic that most appeal to you right now.

Note: You will eventually need to focus your memoir further, but this topic will get you started on your draft.

Finding your Memoir Topic: Option B

Some writers work well from the inside out: they like to start writing and then see what they have in order to decide on a direction and focus. Try these writing prompts to help you get down some material that will help you find your way.

1. Think of a toy or game from your childhood (one that you loved, such as the stuffed animal you carried everywhere, the baseball mitt your dad gave you, the game the whole neighborhood played in your front yard, the checkers board you and your brother argued over, etc. Or maybe it’s a toy you always wanted but never had, a toy you hated, or a game that scared you). Describe it, tell us where it came from, tell us what you did with it, tell us why it matters to you, and tell us about a specific time with this game or toy.
   

2. Tell us about a turning point in your life.
   

3. Tell us about a time you had a conversation with someone that went in a very different direction than you expected. In addition to what was said, relate when and where you were, gestures and actions, and what you were thinking and feeling.
   

4. Describe someone you knew well in high school—a friend, a teacher, a teammate, a cousin, etc. Include sensory details (what they looked like/sounded like/smelled like/felt like/tasted like, as relevant). What are some memorable choices they made? What did you two talk about or do together? Include at last two specific incidents with this person.
   

5. Describe your everyday routine when you were ten, twenty, thirty, forty, etc.
   

6. What’s the most memorable educational experience you’ve ever had? Include a specific scene as well as an overview of the experience.
   

7. Tell us about an important animal in your life.
   

8. Describe three ways people tend to stereotype you based on superficial characteristics. Give some specific examples of times this has happened, if you wish. Then describe how you fulfill and/or defy these stereotypes, again with specific examples.
   

9. What is your earliest memory that has to do with religion/faith/spirituality? Try starting with a place or a recurring activity.
   

10. When have you failed?
    

11. When have you regained hope?
    

12. Tell us about the first time you used a device that turned out to be innovative. Depending on your age, it could be anything from a credit card, liquid paper (White Out), the Pac-Man arcade game, a fax machine, a Mac, a disposable camera, a DVD player, Facebook, a 3D printing machine … be as descriptive as you can.
    

13. Tell us about a relationship that has changed over time. Pick four incidents that illustrate this evolution.
    

14. Describe some family traditions—”family” can be defined however you want. These traditions might revolve around a holiday, food, a celebration, a routine that became important, etc. Use sensory detail and include at least one specific occasion when you observed the tradition.
    

15. What is a belief you hold that has transformed over the years? Why has it changed?
    

16. How did you learn about sex? How did you later learn more about sex?
    

17. Identify three foods that illustrate you and your life. Explain.
    

Note: There are lots of other places to get prompts like this. Two prompt-focused books are Lois Daniels’ How to Write Your Life Story and Natalie Goldberg’s Old Friend from Far Away

Note also: Remember that at some point you will need to assess what you have and pick a focus/topic for your memoir.

Defining Your Audience

1. Are you writing your memoir solely for family and close friends? If so, describe specifically who these people are and their relationship to you. Of these people, who is your ideal reader (the reader who would be most interested, who would learn the most, and who would want to talk about your book with other people)?

2. Are you writing your memoir for a wider audience? If so, think about your ideal reader—the reader who would be most interested, who would learn the most, and who would want to talk about your book with other people.

• Describe this ideal reader’s demographics, such as retired military men, low-income mothers of young children, fans of horror movies, residents of California, etc.

• What does your ideal reader care about (list as many things as you can)?

• What does your ideal reader NOT care about (list as many things as you can)?

3. Now tell us what you think your audience wants to get out of reading your memoir. It can be anything related to what you want to write —to learn more about why you love living in Kentucky, to be inspired to create art, to learn about someone who’s survived cancer, etc. But just pick ONE.